Listen, I’m not happy with everything Hanley talked about at the podium for the first time this season on February 16th, the team’s first day of Spring Training.
Hanley was making excuses for his poor performance last season, and that’s pretty obvious. Talking about hitting 23 homers with one arm is not only a super weird brag but it’s also a really obnoxious thing to say. Hanley checked out last season. He struggled at the beginning of the season, was too much of a diva to face any adversity, and sucked for the rest of the year.
With that being said, mark down Hanley Ramirez as the 2018 MLB MVP.
“Coming off a career-worst batting average and sizeable drop in production, Red Sox DH Hanley Ramirez turned to a new offseason workout routine—he’s following Patriots star quarterback Tom Brady’s TB12 method.”
(wrote Ben Towack in his Boston.com article.)
You read that right, Hanley Ramirez is on the TB12 program.
Ah, what a week it’s been. First we find out that Hanley is on the TB12 program; next we learn that the Red Sox have signed J.D. Martinez to an astonishingly inexpensive $110m contract.
That’s right, crown them now, the 2018 Boston Red Sox are World Series Champions. Well, actually, I won’t guarantee that, but barring any major injuries I will guarantee that they will win the AL East over those FRAUD Yankees. Hanley Ramirez is going to hit a million homers. No, but seriously probably 80+ home runs. I have no way of fact checking this and haven’t made any effort to do so, but I’m pretty sure he’s the first Major Leaguer to ever go on the TB12 program. He won’t eat a single tomato for the rest of his life, and that gives me a little Brady in my pants.
Think about this lineup:
Betts CF
Pedroia 2B
Martinez LF
Ramirez 1B (on the TB12 program)
Bogaerts SS
Devers 3B
Benintendi RF
Nuñez DH
Vazquez C
Are you kidding me with that lineup? Stanton and Judge can go jump off a bridge for all I care. They stink compared to this Red Sox team. Nuñez eighth? Benintendi seventh? This lineup is gross. The protection is insane. You can’t pitch around a single batter in this lineup, because the guy behind him is elite! Martinez will get a fastball diet. Hanley will get a fastball diet. Betts will get a fastball diet. I’m so confident in the protection in this lineup that I’m willing to put my reputation on the line and guarantee at least three Red Sox hitters will have a .900+ OPS. I’m willing to guarantee this Red Sox team will outscore the Yankees. I’m willing to guarantee that this Red Sox team will hit the over on the 91.5 games that Vegas has them winning.
You might be thinking to yourself Ryan, you once wore Red Sox shirts for 1000 straight days, obviously you’re biased, and you might be right.
Don’t care -- pop the champagne.
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