Russian doping: the gift that keeps on giving (Photo via YouTube)
”Just weeks after sporting a sweatshirt emblazoned with the phrase ‘I don’t do doping’ in Pyeongchang, Russian bobsledder Nadezhda Sergeeva had a drug-test sample test positive at the 2018 Winter Olympics, according to The Associated Press. Sergeeva was the pilot on a two-woman bobsled team that finished 14th on Feb. 21. The incriminating sample that tested positive for trimetazidine — an angina medication that also affects metabolism — was taken on the 18th, according to a statement from Russian delegation.” (via SB Nation)
Well folks, just when we thought it couldn’t get any stupider, the Russians went and proved us wrong yet again. Admittedly, I was being a little (ok, maybe a lot) hyperbolic when I wrote my last article on the Russian curler who was caught doping, but this is just absurd. Once again, an athlete from a nation that is facing scrutiny for a major doping scandal decided to inject herself with a banned substance, but this time there are no medals to strip. Not only did she cheat, but even with the supposed “competitive advantage,” she finished 14th out of 20 racers. Even Alexander the Curler was able to snag a bronze medal, although I’m still not entirely sure how the medication helped his performance. And c’mon, that shirt is just the cherry on top. That’s like being the kid who cheats on a test and then sits in the front row and nods sympathetically as the teacher lectures the class on why cheating is bad. I guess the only thing she has going for her is that she rides in the front of the bobsled, so at least she’s not just sitting in the back doing nothing while the other person launches the sled down the hill.
Being the curious journalist that I am, I looked into the effects of trimetazidine, which is apparently used to treat the symptoms associated with a disease called ‘angina pectoris.’ I’m no biology buff (ask Prince if you’re looking for help with that), but, from what I understand, this medication boosts cells’ ability to produce ATP. In turn, ATP powers bodily functions. I guess this makes sense if you’re an alpine skier or a speed skater or something else that requires sustained physical activity, but a bobsledder? Don’t you just push the sled like 25 yards and hop in to steer? Maybe there is some limited athleticism involved, but I’m once again left wondering why this sport? How does it just so happen that the two athletes caught using PEDs belong to bobsled and curling teams?
But wait, it gets even better:
“The official said under normal circumstances, the I.O.C. would not have learned about the failed test this soon; they know now only because Russian officials publicly revealed it.” (via Vox)
So now the Russians are exposing themselves for cheating. Huh? That’d be like if Devin McCourty came forward after the 2014 AFC Championship Game and told the media, “I just wanted to let you know that Tom deflated the footballs past the legal limit.” Wouldn’t that be wild? I have so many questions swirling in my head right now, but the most prominent one is why?
I suppose I should stop trying to connect the dots and just accept the situation for what it is: a couple of horribly unintelligent athletes who couldn’t figure out how to cheat. No, it’s not just that they were too dumb to cheat without getting caught; their actual method of cheating did little to nothing to help them win (see Sergeeva’s 14th place finish).
And do you know what the most embarrassing thing about this whole situation is? The Russians beat us into outer space.
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