A couple days ago, while sifting through the back pages of Hulu, I stumbled across a TV show that shaped the childhood of many late 90s children. My eyes lit up and I jammed the play button faster than you could say “Nickelodeon!”
“I never thought it would be so simple but
I found a way
I found a way
Something something
If you open up your miiiind
It’s gonna take some time to realize...”
I got that warm feeling in my stomach, pulled the bed sheets over my body, and kicked off my socks like it was 2006 again. I was watching Drake and Josh, and I couldn’t be happier. The show instantly came back to me; Drake being the supposed cool kid and Josh being the lovable nerd. My favorite character, Megan, putting them both in mental body bags with her antics. I was grinning from ear to ear for the first five minutes of the show.
Drake and Josh were babysitting for their father’s boss’s child. They wanted to impress him so that he would let them go to the beach or buy them a car or something, but Megan had other plans. Excitement coursed through my veins. What genius plan would she devise and just how badly would it blow up in her brothers’ faces? Megan cautiously yet swiftly sprang into action (as though she had found the front door of the middle island open at Loot Lake and was forced to hit R3 on her remote). She reached for the phone and… glued it to the receiver? Uhhh okay? She called, and the baby woke up screaming. My heart sunk and the crushing realization swept over me: Nickelodeon shows are really bad.
They always say to never meet your heroes, but they never tell you not to rewatch the shows that you loved as a kid.
Over the next couple of hours, I went through all of the shows that I loved as a child, and I couldn’t find a single one that I still enjoyed. The Suite Life of Zack and Cody? Stinks. Jimmy Neutron? Bad. The Fairly Odd Parents? Terrible. The only show that stands the test of time is Spongebob, and even that gets a little dicey in some episodes.
You don’t believe me? Do some research for yourself. Go watch an episode of Drake and Josh right now and tell me it’s funny. It’s not. Don’t get in my face about it; I’m just as upset about it as you are.
I’m not really sure why I decided to write this blog. Maybe I thought talking about my feelings would make me feel better? Nah, that’s a load of crap. I just didn’t want to be the only one with my childhood ruined.
I also wanted to let you know that you need to enjoy the TV you watch now before it’s too late. One day, you will not be stimulated by the “Battle of the Bastards” episode. One day, the smartest man in the universe jumping out of a toilet and screaming “I’m Pickle Rick!” won’t make you spit out your Doritos because you’re laughing so hard. Breaking Bad, Friends, Cars 2, Family Guy, American Dad, The Batman movies, and even Stars Wars will all one day be garbage. They will be mocked for the irrelevance of their content and of their target demographic.
As unimaginable is it may be, even a multimedia enterprise on a meteoric uprise such as Third and Long may fade into oblivion 50 or 60 years from now after we’ve all made our billions.
To quote Andy Bernard (who I’m apparently not gonna find funny in three years), “I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.” You’re in the good old days right now. Cherish the TV shows you watch before they stink.
(Photo courtesy of seventeen.com)
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