In this edition of A Football Life, I’m going to take you back to a lesser known, underappreciated football star: Jared Lorenzen, the Hefty Lefty.
(Photo courtesy of Saturday Down South)
In his early years, Lorenzen’s talent was undisputed and undeniable. He was a blue chip high school prospect who eventually decided to commit to one of the top football schools in the country, Kentucky University. After redshirting for his first season, Lorenzen started his freshman year, throwing a dazzling 21 interceptions in 11 games. As his college career progressed, he continued to improve his craft, even receiving the honor of second-team all-SEC during his senior season. This, much to the idiocy of all 32 NFL teams, was not enough to get him drafted in the 2004 NFL Draft.
Being the absolute grinder that he is, Lorenzen signed as an undrafted free-agent to the New York Giants. This was the best decision the Giants ever made. Lorenzon took on the heavy responsibility of Supervisor of Morale -- many call it the most important position in sports. Supervisor of Morale is a position of kings. As the best Supervisor of Morale in NFL history, Lorenzen was the king of kings. Oh, you say Jesus is king of kings? Well, what does that say to you about how I think of the Hefty Lefty?
Unfortunately for Lorenzen, the Giants didn’t share my admiration, unable to recognize the immense impact that he brought to the team off the field. Shortly after guiding the Giants to a Super Bowl championship in 2008, he was cut, leaving his massive belly without an income to provide it with the nutrients it needed. The gargantuan 6’4” 315 pound quarterback decided to step away from the game, only to return in dramatic fashion a few years later.
In 2011, Lorenzen went back to pro football, this time as working as the general manager of the Northern Kentucky River Monsters of the Ultimate Indoor Football League. It was a wise move by the Northern Kentucky River Monsters, gaining the expertise of one of the greatest football minds of our generation. However, menial labor wasn’t complex enough for this student of the game -- he needed to compete, so compete he did. In an all-time move, the big man went from GM straight to quarterback. You read that right; he went from pushing pencils to lacing up cleats every Sunday (or whatever day the UIFL plays it’s games). Does that not scream “Big Baller”?
(Courtesy of Team Builder)
Pure, unadulterated smoothness.
Being the ultimate gunslinger he was, he even went on to win the UIFL MVP award, what some say is the most prestigious trophy in pro sports. Not all stories have a happy ending. But then again, not everyone is the Hefty Lefty. Keep eating big dawg.
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